Welcome to Portland

June 22, 2011 § Leave a comment

I rode through the streets of Portland last Friday on my bike without any clothes on. You haven’t crossed the Burnside Bridge until you’ve done it naked.

I pointed at random people in the crowds watching and yelled ‘You’d look better naked!”

One onlooker had simply pulled his member out, showing the cyclists as they passed. Hey man, I wanted to say, you’re doing it wrong.

It was cold but we did not notice, we did not mind.

We passed a retirement facility with a line of cars waiting for the thousands of naked bikers to pass. I imagined the scenes inside the cars. ‘Ethel, Ethel I think the end has come. And the anti-Christ is a hoard of hippies! It is worse than we thought.’

It’s so strange how you can look upon one naked person, in your bedroom or wherever, and they can be the most unique and beautiful creature you’ve ever seen. But in groups, all naked people look so much the same you hardly notice them. Is that a Simpson’s paradox?

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